The Candid Guide to Making a Viral Video

    So, you think you have what it takes do you? You’ve meticulously analyzed over and over again the videos posted on YouTube of those fortunate enough to gain the love and adoration of millions of fans, you think you know the formula, the right ingredients for making yourself heard and seen and getting your fifteen minutes of fame; but really, you have no idea.

    You see it’s not just about dancing around in front of a webcam, acting strange and making a fool out of yourself… actually it is. And yet many have been in embarrassing videos without ever being seen, except by the occasional coworker or that time it was accidentally discovered on the computer by a six-year-old after Thanksgiving dinner and then shown to the whole family… yea, awkward.

    So what do Numa Numa, the lightsaber kid, brookers, and muffins have in common? To be honest nobody really knows; it can be as elusive as finding a hit song, or determining a Hollywood movie’s success. There are however a few helpful guidelines to follow to better stack the odds in your favor.

    Despite what you may think image quality does NOT matter, on sites like these no one cares if you have a 720p camcorder with advanced HAD CCD imagers and 12X optical zoom (although the video should not be a series of unrecognizable pixels either). What really matters is the quality of your act. With this in mind, be random, be weird, do something different, be absurd, let go of all your inhibitions, do something no one would ever think of doing (if only because no one has been stupid enough to try it). People love randomness; it makes them feel like they are not just another social security number in society. Why else would so many people work so hard to be so different? If you can somehow manage to pull spaghetti up your nose and out your ear and play the violin with it while standing on one foot while the other foot is licked by a blind corgi accompanying you on the clavichord then by all means do it. It also helps to be either a relatively good looking girl, or on the opposite end a complete slob, complete with spare tire, ass crack hair, and bald spot. The ridiculousness of your act along with your appearance is sure to complement well.

    If you have any experience or skill in acting, directing and editing, it’s also possible to film a scripted sequence. Again however, randomness is key. Mock music videos are okay, but they are even better if the song is original. And if you are going to do a sketch, the characters should be eccentric, the plot original and nonsensical, and the ending surprising or random (either/or).

    Once you’ve uploaded your video, it’s time to get yourself seen. So how do you manage to attract people to your video, of which you spent a whole afternoon working on? It’s quite simple really: tag and title it with erotic words, lesbian make-out and full nude strip are my personal recommendations, but see what works best for you. Either way your video will be viewed by thousands at first. Once word has spread, which happens to be the last and single most important part of any viral video’s life, millions will come watch it, talk about it, and then try to replicate it themselves. From here you shall forever become a small and brief but memorable part of an internet fad generation’s culture.

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Mini Candid #11

Mini-candids are small Candid Guides updated more frequently than the main guide. They can be video, photo, or just one or two sentences.

Mini-Candid #11: How to Ride a Segway